Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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