They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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