Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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