omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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