question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
