Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
