This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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