so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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