Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
