my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
