It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
