If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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