I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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