I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
