Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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