someone threw a dead crab at me
I need help removing her.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
