I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
