If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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