I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
