she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
