Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
