You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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