the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
