I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
