Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
