I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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