and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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