roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He passed out mid-signature
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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