Where is the hickey?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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