final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
