I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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