so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
how drunk are you?
Several
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
