He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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