sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
