And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
