Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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