It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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