Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
