he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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