Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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