I hope mine doesn't look like that
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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