U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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