I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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