I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
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I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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