Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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