that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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