I hate your face
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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