The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
