she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
