her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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