you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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