What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
