Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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