I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
