WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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