I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
