Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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