And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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