I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
