I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
