would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
