How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
