my mouth tastes like poor choices
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
