I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
