I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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