i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
