We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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