We need to rekindle our bromance
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
my liver is dry heaving
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
