Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize